It all comes down to instinct. Understanding the Instinct. The survival instincts in an animal are then related to, and create, their social network; that is why they have a hierarchy. A hierarchy is about survival, you know; it’s not about somebody wanting to be bossy. It’s about survival. You have the right individual at the top leading. The right individual is down that power line. Everybody has a job to do, and they do it willingly and happily, and when there’s some discipline, that happens without emotion. It just happens, and then they figure it out because there’s only one animal per rung on the power ladder. You know, in animals (and, by the way, humans are animals), we have the same survival instinct. We experience fear and joy and rivalry and competition and all those things because there are survival instincts. But there’s only one animal per rung of power.
Where it gets really complicated… and this is where it got complicated with my boss at work and was complicated with my husband: “same and equal,” meaning sameness. Not equal opportunity, but sameness does not exist in the animal world. It does not exist, so you know if you’re pursuing that 50/50 on everything in your marriage at every time and every discussion, it’s not going to work because it conflicts with your inner animal. There are ways to get around it, which I have done, and it changes everything. And there were times when I was an employee, not a boss, and I couldn’t use the same action style that I would use as a boss to my employees, you know, with me as an employee to my boss, and I saw this in the animal world. The clever subordinate animals had a whole different action style. They pursued friendship and trust… friendship and trust… Believe me, if your boss trusts you and is impressed with how willing you are to do your job and to help him or her look good, yep, you get promoted! That’s how it works, right? You can’t go in there and demand a raise. That doesn’t work. Those kinds of things you learn
I just want people to learn these things before they’re through their lives and before they’ve shed so many tears and been so miserable. Learn it now. Your life will be forever changed.
Moderator: Right, so your example there of the employee and the way that you can “support up”, right? You never want to be known as the person who’s difficult or challenging. It’s okay to show up and ask questions. It’s okay to poke holes in things, but you have to do it in a way that it’s collaborative and supportive, not whining, complaining, or demanding.
So in a dog pack, the ones that are always challenging and prickly are ostracized. Nobody likes them. They don’t play with them. It’s the same as what happens in our human culture. It’s about getting along—getting what you want by getting along. It sounds really simple, and it is. But when you realize why that’s true, it’s because of the instincts and the inner animal and being consistent and in sync with your inner animal and the inner animal in others. And then, what’s really clever is when you realize and think through what your actions are going to be, but you weigh them against the instincts that you know exist in that other person, and you plan your action based on that. It’s everything.
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