Warning: this could blow your mind
We may not be Top Dog in all our relationships, but we can still get what we want whether it’s “top down” or “bottom up.” The fact is that many times we have a higher level of status in some situations and a lower one in others, like a mom that is the boss of her kids at home, but at work she answers to a higher power. Nature has stamped us to expect this separation of powers instinctively as do other animals, but it is also why striving to be “the same” or truly “equal” in terms of power and position in any sort of personal relationship will predictably rub Nature the wrong way. Enter the Conflict Twins, “Same” and Equal. Don’t shoot the messenger; just read on and wrap your mind around what this means. This truth of Nature is profound and may change how you see your life and our world.
Animal Secret #1 establishes that humans are animals, too. The fact that the rungs of power and status in Nature’s individual relationships are never equally shared is not to say, however, that other types of human equality outside of relationships do not or should not exist, such as equal opportunities for all and equal treatment under the law. When it comes to relating to one another, however, accepting differences in power and status and being deferential to one another accordingly is actually what keeps the peace in the Animal World. If we look at human relationships honestly, we can see the same sort of thing. When someone else insists on sharing our personal status level or we assume the right to share theirs, our Inner Animals fight to reestablish sole possession of the status rung!
Forcing unnatural sameness or status uniformity creates underlying unrest and frequently triggers conflict until this “problem” is rectified. The need for subtle status differences to fill the vertical rungs of the status ladder is fundamental. I see it routinely in dogs who are forced to be equal at home and vicious sibling rivalry ensues, as well as in families with jealous, warring children, all held to the same standards of excellence regardless of their individual abilities or limitations. It affects marriages where each partner battles for control. Each has been driven to confrontation by the Conflict Twins, Same and Equal, which are unable to coexist peacefully when it comes to personal status. And don’t think the Conflict Twins live only in our homes and offices. They live in our world at large.
Understanding the Conflict Twins can not only change the way we approach our relationships, but the way we see our world and what is happening in it. The good news is that, regardless of how we differentiate status, higher or lower, one can still get what they want from another if they use the correct strategies. Follow me to learn Nature’s secrets of success!